Love notes 

Hey, bod. Why is learning to love you so damn hard?

It’s not that I feel unhappy with you, inherently.

I wake up in the morning and put clothes on. I look at your round, rolly tummy in the mirror. And I don’t hate you. I know you are what you are, and I don’t think much more about you.

Sometimes I turn around and look at your pear-shaped booty, your ever-present love handles, the fold of your skin in the middle of your back, the slight dimples under your butt. I take it in, and then I let it go. I move on with my day.

I feel ok with you. I don’t know that I love you, but I don’t hate you. That’s progress, and it’ll do for now.

But then I see an old picture of you. You legs are curved with muscle. Your hips are wider than your waist. Your face is slim, and your chin less soft. Your arms are slender. The bones of your neck and shoulders seem delicate.

The stab of longing is so sudden and harsh. I want to be her. I know I can be her. I was her. I will become her.

My mind floods with panic at the realization of what I have become.

What am I going to do? How fast can I un-be what I am? Hurry, Rachel. You need a plan. This is important. Now, you need to fix this now.

Wait. Stop. Take a breath.

You are more, Rachel. You are more than her.

Breathe.

I know this is hard.

Breathe. 

Even though you push against society’s labels criticizing your body, sometimes you find yourself standing with them. You find yourself feeling in the pit of your insides that you’re less because of your skin dimples, belly rolls and think arms, legs and chest.

Breathe. 

You remind yourself those feelings are lies. They’re temporary. They’re fleeting. They’re deceptive.

Find truth.

Breathe.

Truth.

Your impact on the people and world around you is not measured by a scale. 

Truth.

Your ability to love is not determined by your appearance. 

Truth.

You are worthy of love no matter your size or shape. 

Truth.

Your value is not measured by your body. 

Truth.

Your potential is not measured by your body. 

Truth.

Your compassion is not measured by your body. 

Truth.

Your purpose is so much bigger than whether the world approves of your form. 

Truth.

You care more about making people feel loved and valued than about whether they accept your body. 

Truth.

Changing your body won’t make you happy. 

Truth.

Your body is a blessing.

Truth.

You are God’s creation.

Truth.

I want healing more than I want to be skinny. 

Truth.

I trust God and have faith in His ability to heal me. 

Truth.

I feel at peace. 

Hang in there, Rachel.

Breathe. 

This journey is the hardest yet. Patience, perseverance, grace, strength, truth.

One day at a time.

Honoring God and this body He blessed me with. Choosing His will for my life. Choosing to rest in Him instead of seeking comfort in the world’s lies.

Breathe. 

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